Chapter # 36

Coming back to the present time, De Villiers found himself frozen briefly. ‘If I remained silent today, he would follow his footsteps. He would become a second Silas Alroy,' Thinking distressfully, De Villiers walked after his friend. Nathaniel hopelessly went after Zariah, wiping the faint traces of blood on him so it won't startle her further. His words had already done enough damage, he refused to cause more and appeared in the middle, De Villiers stopped his Boss, too much to his disliking. 'Boss, stop, let her go," 'Don't meddle, De Villiers. How can I let her go?" Nathaniel growled. He watched her walking away, increasing his heartbeats. He knew he spoke wrong words, he knew instead of consoling, he used obsessive statements. He shouldn't have and to redeem, he urged to talk to her only to be stopped by him. 'Because she is frightened. Look at her," De Villiers whispered tenderly, glancing over his shoulder. 'That is exactly why I can't." Nathaniel loosened his posture gradually, voice breaking gradually. 'If she walked on me right now, I won't be able to bring her back." De Villiers was taken aback. Due to his perturbation, he forgot how mad he was for her sake and to watch her leave was unbearable for the green-eyed man. 'I swear, I had lost her in order to save her once, not again, definitely not this time," Growling, Nathaniel pushed him away and was about to run after his Zari. Lowering his head, De Villiers curled his hand in a fist, well aware their choices were the best too and mocked. 'Then you should have watched your actions," 'My actions have nothing to do with it," 'Why don't you get it, dammit?" He growled back, pointing his finger at Nathaniel to induce realization he had declined to accept. 'This is all your fault, Boss," 'Fuck you, De Villiers," Showing his middle finger to him, he quickly rushed to Zariah who almost left but he followed her shadows. 'Zari! Come back!" She didn't listen. Declining any option to create distances between them. Another reason why he didn't want her to come here and watch him torment. He knew his Zariah had changed. In that case, after being introduced to emotions, everything was sensitive and he must be cautious about his steps. 'Zariah!" Hissing, he immediately grabbed her arms when they both were at the stairs leading to the place which was apparently a ‘shop'. Standing in the middle of the steps, he was forcing her to confront him but scowling, she hit his chest, placing her hand in between. 'Let me go, asshole," He didn't, instead, declared, 'I did not hold you to let you go," Inhaling sharply to collect his scattered state, he turned breathless, holding her elbows with his both hands, closing their gap. Her flinching pierced his heart yet in order to attain her conviction, he nuzzled her hair to gain access to her skin. She inhaled to keep firm, tensing her shoulders to resist his touch, leading him to tighten his grip as he whispered wholeheartedly. 'I am sorry, Zari," 'I didn't mean to scare you in any way, I didn't mean to hurt you too, forgive me, I was furious," He murmured. Head clicked against her with unspoken desires followed by his nose on her cheek, inspiring her scent to intoxicate his soul. Eyes closed, he forced the lump in his throat and was about to justify but she pushed him away using her remaining strength. 'You are scaring me, okay, I agree, I used to be like this. But, I am not… not anymore." Hesitating, she placed her hand over her heart weakly. 'And it hurt here when you discarded me in a heartbeat," 'Don't say this, you are the only person who matters the most to me, I care what you think or feel about me," He panicked. Shaking his head in denial out of a needy struggle to lift her spirits. He was furious, he never meant to utter anything that could serve as a scar on their hanging bond. 'Then I am sick of this blood, violence, hatred, everything," 'Tell me what other options do people like us have?" He counter-questioned before closing their gap gradually. She looked down and this time he held her hands in a honeyed grip, locking their fingers in a firm grip. 'On one hand you want us to start a family and on the other you want me to leave. Both are impossible." He whispered, hoping to make her understand. Which was not wrong either, he couldn't and it would only lead to the shattering of dreams so according to him, it was better to avoid. Than to face an unavoidable devastating situation. 'Now you tell me since you like comparing us to others- Did Sebastian leave? Did Zaviyaar do it? No." His tone went lower, pressing his forehead against her in order to wrap her in his words. 'Both are not possible, please, Zari, try to understand that," He whispered desperately. Failing to bear the weight of these words, she ended up releasing a miserable sob. 'I…" Tears she suppressed began to roll down, leaving her hand, she clutched his shirt between her fingers. 'I just want us to live happily," She cried. Resting her head on his chest but life was cruel, it was never easy for anyone. Shutting her eyes, hoping the darkness could consume their fetters too. But to no avail, they were bound by the life they had chosen. He was in a lethal life and she was in his. He couldn't leave this, she couldn't leave him. 'Nathaniel," Calling his name in a sobbing murmur, she was powerlessly stuck between emotions and obligation and it was clasping her beats in anguish. She needed redemption but escape sounded impossible. 'My darling, please understand. Do you think I want this too?" He whispered, endeavoring to make her apprehend. 'That I want to hold my lover or my child with so much hate and blood in my hands?" Defeated against his feelings, he cupped her cheeks, wiping her tears with his thumb tenderly. She kept her gaze lowered, shaking slightly in distress but when he encased her in his strong arm, things abruptly began to make sense. They made her slightly relaxed. Sniffling, she wiped her tears and looked up at him innocently. 'Can't De Villiers take care of things?" 'Enemies are mine, not his. Why make him pay for my actions and enmity?" Nodding, like a forced attempt to understand, she moved back slightly, holding the railing while keeping her gaze affixed on the ground. And amid this, there was one thing that disturbed her. 'Nathaniel… at least," 'At least what?" 'At least don't be… inhumane. Don't… become a monster," She pleaded with him, releasing a tear of hopelessness. His mouth gaped, moving back in disbelief. 'What do you mean by this? We have to torture our preys-" 'It's not about torturing. You…" She climbed more steps, breaths restricting around her throat with dismal and dread as the tears recollected. She might let it go if it was work after all… but- 'You were enjoying his agony, you wanted this, this was… your thrill. It.. tranquilized you," Looking down, she held her dress with a defeated tear rolling down. It dropped his perception into apprehension. He hadn't noticed it before nor would ever accept it. But that was the main concern, The only reason Guru was there was to relieve his stress by torturing him until he would satisfy the fire blaze in his soul. 'I understand this is work too, I had been in the same position but it was satisfactory." Wiping the tears, she looked at him in disappointment. It hurt him a lot. 'I agreed Sebastian is like this due to his mental instability and disorder but you, Nathaniel… you were being plain sadistic," 'You looked so peaceful, so happy… How could you?" Shaking her head, she turned but he knew allowing her to leave would misbalance their relationship. 'Try to understand, Zariah. He killed my family, he deserved it," 'Was he happy to kill them that you are!? Did he take pleasure from it!?" He was about to come but she pushed him, not permitting him anymore to gain her proximity. 'No. But you do, asshole!" Making his steps almost stumble and fall but he stopped himself by gripping onto the railing, glancing at the infuriated lady despairingly. 'You are scaring me, Nathaniel, this is not you," 'Zari, listen, please, don't say this," 'I.. I am going home," Placing her hand in the middle, she couldn't bear to spend a second here and it vanquished all his wrath and frustration. All remained in him was pain. Of all people, he couldn't bear her going away. Tears brimmed in his eyes, growing desperate, 'Zariah, please don't walk on me." Because if she did- It would gravely injure the bond they procured with endless prayers and yearnings. 'I have created our home with all my heart and my long lost dreams, I won't bear any evil shadow on it, not even yours," She declared. Vanishing all her agony as she pointed her finger strictly at him. He couldn't endure austerity and negligence from her side. 'So come to me only when you will be yourself. I don't want the man I saw today in my home." 'Zari-" Without listening to anything further, with a hefty heart, she left, leaving him all along and rejected. When the door closed on his face, he stood with a tear rolling down, whispering weakly to himself. 'Please don't leave…" Because when she walked away, for a heartbeat, he thought she would never return and it consolidated the anguish he buried. It frightened the notorious Plague Doctor. By all means, he knew he couldn't become a man unacceptable to Zariah. And today's incident terrified Zariah of the day where he might be forced- to choose her or hatred. And if his resentment proved to be stronger than their love, it would shatter her life…