19- Beautiful…?

'It could have been a beautiful memory but it wasn't…. At least not for me." ****** I didn't want to go anywhere with him. I don't want to spend a second with him. If it wasn't for the urge to see Alphonse Jude in real life, I wouldn't even come to his area. Being away from him gives me freedom, provides me with lull but his presence only scares me. I cannot bear it but since when did I had a choice? I followed his orders and got ready. How I imagined going there and how it is happening. I had countless dreams which he didn't hesitate to murder once. My heart stung when I changed into a white sundress, applying slight makeup, not attempting to look good even. I don't want to dress up for him. 'Are you done?" He asked, entering the room, I was checking myself and nodded. 'Yeah." My tone was unable to raise its voice against him now. Being at home at least assured me that I won't have to confront him all day. But here, where am I supposed to run? He scrutinized my form, looking down, I took a step back. Fearing he might not be pleased with my minimum efforts but saying nothing, he moved back to the closest and took out a hat. He secured it over my head, curling his lips upward but not in a smile, 'You look pretty. The sun's bright. You will need it." He said, moving back. 'Why do I need a hat in the car?" I asked, turning to the mirror as the hat surprisingly matched with my dress perfectly, enhancing my looks. 'Who says we are going by car? It's not that far, let's walk." He replied, taking out a casual shirt and matching trousers with it. He quickly changed and brushed his hairs back. I remained silent, unsure how to react but it didn't alter his course of actions. 'Let's go." Extending his hand out, he offered it to me. Unsure, I hesitantly took it. Trapped here, I don't want to do anything which would enrage him and I end up paying heavily for it. He noticed my hesitation but let it slide for now as we left. My heart was thumping, I could feel unsettling sensations making my steps heavy. Wrapping my arm around my midsection, I didn't dare to lift my head as we continued to walk down the road. Strain collected in my chest, drying my throat but when I glanced at him. He showed no expression. An eerie deadpan follows with mysterious looks plastered on his face. I cannot tell if he was angry, happy or whatever. One hand holding mine and the other in his pocket, walking calmly. My eyes were locked to his assertive expression, narrowing my eyes in dejection. What I wished to gain and what I own are contrary. I had one simple wish. A happy married life and he stole it. 'I told you." He spoke up after a prolonged period, blinking, I turned my head away instantly, curling my hand in a fist. 'Don't be afraid." His voice came out low, yanking me to him. I gasped but before I could fall on his chest, he rested his hand over my shoulder. I shivered at his large hand over mine, throat dried as we continued to walk, 'I won't do anything here." He sighed, holding me protectively after a devilishly long time. 'And what about later?" I asked, pressing my teeth together, impotent to meet his unfathomable gazes, making my soul tremble. 'Depends on how you behave. If you will please me, I will ensure your freedom." He shrugged nonchalantly, tracing his thumb over my shoulder slowly for reassurance but this time was long gone when I felt it. 'Your pleasure is my fear. How do you expect me to find happiness or liberation in this?" I whispered, nibbling on my bottom lip in vexation. Of course when things are nothing but a ruse to him, nothing could cease the fright he had induced in my heart. He cannot recover me from the state he left me in, he cannot obliterate his fright. 'I don't know myself." He replied in a feeble voice but honestly. He is aware of the damage he has done too. 'Then just don't look for new ways to hurt me." I whispered again, removing his hand slowly. His steps gradually slowed, glancing at me intensely. Shutting my eyes, I stiffed, gasping at his look but I could feel his intense eyes affixed on my face. I shivered when no movement was made for the next two seconds. Opening my eyes, I found him still staring at me with those obscure eyes. My fear converted into bewilderment, wondering what enhanced his mood or is he truly complying that it's my reprieve and won't do anything. Sighing, he took my hand again and began to walk, we entered the garden, my eyes widened in awe when I saw the arresting Eiffel tower but it wasn't sparkling as I thought it would be because of what I feel now. My mouth gaped, I took a step closer to get a closer look but he held my wrist. My shoulders tensed but soon relaxed when he came beside me, turning me to him. At this moment, when a historical landmark was before me which I dreamed of visiting with my lover, with my life partner. All of the burning flames blew. My eyes were more focused on his face than the tower. Staring intensely in my eyes, he didn't leave my wrist and began to say huskily, 'Last week, Nathaniel's wife, Zariah came by. She wanted to ruin her life by selling her soul to me like Alphonse did…." He began to tell me but this doesn't explain his demeanor towards me. I began to link my eyes with his aesthetic features again, listening but pondering why he is telling me. 'But Nathaniel came by and took her. He saved her from me, he took her away. Then Alphonse came, he found his childhood love… He was happy… all of them have their love beside them." He paused, featuring hardening. My heart skipped a beat, I didn't notice we were so near our destination but my eyes couldn't move at the strangeness glistening in his eyes. 'Why are you telling me this?" I asked, barely audible but he heard it. I cannot apprehend the context of these talks. 'Because I imagine us there and I didn't like it. It infuriates me to hold the urge to be there where they are; knowing useless emotions such as love only destroys you." He responded coldly, almost enraged but also unaffected. My eyes widened, not expecting him to hold this perspective let alone to imagine us at a point of a lovely couple which we cannot be anymore. 'Why? Are you afraid to love me?" I asked in a trembling tone, instantly regretting but it slipped, I didn't mean to ask. I was afraid of the answer. Taking a step closer, he was dangerously close to feeling our breaths entangling, leaving my hairs on edge, 'Eileen." We both stopped, 'I hold uncontrollable bloodlust, I yearn for one's misery. I hear screams whenever I close my eyes." He said breathlessly which augments my heartbeats, making me repulsed. What kind of human is he? 'And, all of it provides me with a lull. It gives me tranquility." He whispered, resting his hand on the side of my neck to not break the menacingly keen contact. 'In that case, how do you expect me to love someone?"