82- Clearing Hearts

~ Eileen ~ I was in my room, my perturbation for Sebastian was increasing day by day, he was spending more time at work, not coming home. Holding me but not speaking anything. His condition was worrying me too much and I wanted to make him speak but he refused to until he made Dave pay for what he did. Honestly, I couldn't believe Ruben was gone. He was here yesterday and now… Sighing, I was combing my hair, getting ready for bed. I had no idea when Sebastian was going to come and I felt exhausted. But, the moment they put the brush down, Sebastian came in a terrible condition. He slammed opened the door causing me to flinch at the sudden call. 'Eileen…" He was not drunk but something else was plastered on his face. Rising from my seat, I turned to him, coming closer. "Sebas-" I was about to cup his cheek but he took my wrist and pressed his index finger on my lips. "Shh. Come." Leading me to our bed, he made me sit. Narrowing my eyes in bewilderment and concern, I cupped his cheek as he sat on the ground again. I hate it when he sits in my footsteps. He doesn't belong there. Bending his knees, he stared at my face deeply, holding my hands hopelessly, pressing them harder into his skin. "You're so exquisite, you know? My Protector…" Murmuring, he was panting, eyes clouded with thick unfathomable clouds I was unable to decode. "Are you alright?" Asking hesitantly, I shifted closer. His lips began to quiver, shaking his head in denial and moving his hand slowly to my laps, holding my baggy shirt tightly. "Eileen… Do you think I was a bad brother? What am I saying? I definitely am." Chuckling dryly, he looked down, impotent to meet my eyes. "No, you were not. Don't say this…" Sighing, I caressed his cheeks, reassuring him but to no avail. He convinced himself he was. "You kept telling me that day to tell him that I love him but I didn't and now he is no longer here…." Closing his eyes, a tear rolled down his cheek and after countless struggles to keep his calm. He broke. "I couldn't hug him, I couldn't tell him I love him, I couldn't protect him. I failed as an elder brother." Breaking into a wail, tears began to roll down his cheek, sharing his deepest regret with me. Shedding pity, I wanted to steal his sorrow away, the sound of his sob, was heartbreaking. "Sometimes you don't have to say, the other person understands. How I did that you love me." Whispering, I leaned down to kiss his head helping him to soothe down. But he kept sobbing, the way he gripped my shirt, it was so tight, he felt utterly miserable for reaching this point. I cannot imagine his pain. He lost his brother when he needed him the most. 'He knows, Sebastian… He knows." I didn't want him to cry but I forced him to stop this sound, that guilt would gobble him so I let him release his anguish. "Do you think he would know…?" Sniffling, he asked innocently, tears glistening on his cheeks. Wiping them with my knuckles, I nodded, returning a smile but witnessing his cry, pricked a tear in my eyes too. "Yes. I believe he knows. Clear your heart. Ruben loved you, Sebastian." Whispering softly, I stroked the side of his face. Shutting his eyes, he lowered his head and put it on my lap, crying his anguish out, liberating the sob he buried. "I… loved him too…" He released a late confession. His resonance was broken, the cries were echoing the room where the untold words became his greatest remorse. "I loved him… so much…" Crying, I covered my mouth to conceal my voice followed by a silent tear, agonizing to find him this devastated. I couldn't bear his sobs, they were frightening me. "I am sorry, I am so sorry, Ruben.. I loved you, I always did and I always will…" Whispering, he gasped for air, wiping his eyes to remove the tears by forcing the lump in his throat. Unable to bear more of it, I was about to come down but he held me back, refraining me from embracing him. "No, no, no. Don't come down." Sniffling, he wiped his cheek, shaking his head, not allowing me to stay beside him. "Let me stay where I belong." He spoke breathlessly and was about to rest on my lap again but I came down anyway. He frowned but I cupped his cheeks, forcing to meet my moist gaze with his watery ones and witness my dedication too. "And I belong here. Besides you, next to you. You are no inferior to me, you are the peak of my love, you are far superior, Sebastian. Stop sitting on my footsteps." Enunciating, I kissed his forehead, pulling him in my embrace. He was flabbergasted for a second but soon melted in the warmth and released a brief but heartbreaking muffled sob, clutching my dress desperately as if he was holding a protector. Accepting his anguish, I kissed the top of his head, rubbing his back, helping him relax. Providing him my shelter to reside. Where I live, he does too after all. "I couldn't express how grateful I am to have you in my life, Eileen. Don't leave me. Don't ever leave me. I will die without you." Pleading hopelessly, his fingers clasping my dress with the innocent desire made me smile. "I will never leave you. I am here now and nothing could steal you away from me." Humming, my arms wrapped around his muscular body with difficulty, kissing his forehead while wiping the agonizing liquid glistening on his cheeks. "It's alright, my love. Rest your weight on my shoulder now. You don't have to carry it alone." Reassuring, I kept holding him until he calmed down. Taking deep breaths, he pulled away slowly, eyes slightly puffy, devastated but also a sense of relief flashed in his eyes. He cleared his heart. "I feel terrible." He said huskily, taking support from my shoulders. "This feeling will pass." Tracing my fingers on his fading tears, I soothed him, reflecting a tiny but calming smile. Lowering his head, he rested it on my shoulder, "Stay here with me." "I am here. You don't have to walk alone. Now, get up. Lay down on the bed." Taking his hand with an iron grip with the intention to never leave it again, I pulled him from the ground. But, it felt like, ground was not the only place where I pulled him up from- it felt like I pulled him towards a new path in life. The intensity of his stare reflected it, it showed the solace that washed over his face. Relaxing his shoulders, he followed my instructions and fell on the bed. I smiled, sitting beside him, running my hand in his hair, sinking in the powerful silence of his beautiful eyes. Leading my hand down, I took off his coat and belt. I was about to take off his shoe but he was hesitant but I flashed a sweet smile. 'It's okay." Whispering, I took off his shoes and socks, poured him some water to drink, ruffled his hair, allowing him to relax. "Can I rest my head in your laps?" He asked innocently. "Obviously you can." Chuckling, I shifted closer, giving him space to rest in my lap. Curling like a ball, he was scattered and gathered in my laps. And I happily collected all his fragments to store them in my heart. I would always do it gladly. "Promise me you will be here for me forever." Taking my hand, he placed it over his heart, not parting his eyes from mine, evoking a new light in the air after finding redemption. His heart was light finally. "I give you my deepest promise that I would stay with you even when this world wouldn't, Sebastian." Promising, I kissed his hand, bringing an irresistible smile on his lips, relieved to hear that. "And how can I not?" Returning a grin, taking a new step forward in life, I leaned down and brushed my nose against his, giggling. "I am your Fairy after all…" He chuckled back, giving my hand a firm squeeze, closing his eyes before releasing a long hum. "Hmmmm…"