59.2- Compensation

He narrowed his eyes in dejection, knowing he was the culprit of ruining the perfect time we barely gained… again. He lost himself to wrath and I couldn't take it. 'We were progressing so beautifully, things began to take on colors, I began to lose myself but sadly you brought us back to where we started." My voice broke, releasing a tear because I truly began to dream of a future with him where I would be special. But, how come I was special when I couldn't do anything? Sebastian looked down shamefully, lips shaky, holding his shirt, unable to meet my gaze anymore by actions he made on his own, without asking me first. Making his own assumption and taking his anger out on me. Without talking further, I went to take a shower, freshened up, trying to conceal the scar on my lips but couldn't. I changed into a simple shirt and trouser and went down. I saw Ruben, surprisingly without his other half there. He was using his phone and smirked when he heard my footsteps. 'Hey, Louis told me he came back. Where is our lover boy?- What the fuck?" He asked, distressed when he noticed me, coming closer instantly. 'What happened? Did he hit you? Your lips and your wrist…" He asked worriedly, scanning me but I hugged my sides, turning my head away to pretend timidness. 'Did it look like I was hit? Don't embarrass me. We just…" I mumbled, not meeting his eyes. 'Oh, sorry. But, are you sure everything is okay?" He looked away awkwardly as well, clearing his throat. 'Yeah…" I hummed as Sebastian came as well in his usual dominant form but trying not to meet my gaze out of remorse. 'Sebastian…" Ruben called, he noticed the gloom in his eyes instantly. 'Hmm?" 'Where is your phone?" He asked, I almost forgot about it. 'I broke it, I sent it for repair." He replied coldly. 'I see…" I went to the lounge after breakfast to call Mama, not wanting to go back to the room and needlessly stress myself. 'Eileen, listen…" Sebastian came after me, worry plastered on his face, calling me with the lowest and softest his voice could go. 'Let me call Mama, she must be worried. I left in a hurry because your Brother lied to me that you had an accident in case you didn't bother to ask me yourself" I cut him off. "Oh, no. In fact, I told you but according to you, it was a fucking lie." I taunted, reminding him, inducing further regret in him. Stopping him from coming further and calling Mama to talk to her. He opened his mouth to speak but I didn't listen and walked away, leaving him all alone with a razed soul. For the rest of the day, I didn't pay attention to him. He tried coming after me, to talk and apologize but I didn't allow him. Yet I knew I couldn't avoid him forever. I had to confront him. I was in our room, using my phone, trying to not pay attention to him until he came again, calling me desperately. 'Eileen, Please." He whispered hopelessly, tugging my sleeves, pulling it slowly, acting rather childishly which was unlike his monotonous visage. 'Sebastian, give me some space. I need time. I can't hold the hand of a man who couldn't trust me. Stop coming after me." I sighed, a little irritated at his nagging, pulling my wrist away to stop him from holding my sleeve. "Please don't be despondent with me. Please…" He pleaded, losing his posture. My negligence was torturing him. Gritting my teeth, I looked away. 'Don't look away from me, please. Your negligence will kill me." He whispered, panting, willing to do anything to make me listen to bring us back to where we were before he left. 'I am not neglecting you." I reasoned. 'The space you are asking for is burning me, I can't bear it, please." He continued, impotent to provide me with the space so I could think whether I should tell him about his confession or not. I wanted him to say it loud and clear, in all his senses. Not out of jealousy, out of the effects of alcohol. 'Then what do you want to do?" I asked, irked at him at this point. I was only asked for space which he couldn't give me and to increase my stagger further, he took a step closer. 'Let me compensate." He enunciated out of the blue, seriously. 'What?" I blinked, having absolutely no idea how he intended to do it. 'I won't make the mistake I did with Ruben, I won't let you go away too. I will compensate for everything. I want to make us equal and start anew, Eileen" He continued, closing the gap between us. I instinctively moved back until my back hit the wall, stopping my breaths when he hovered over me with pure sincerity. 'Equal? What… Do you mean? How are you going to make up for almost a year?" I asked hesitantly, distressed what he intended to do now. 'I can do anything for you. I won't lose you too. Watching you leave is the most unbearable thing for me." Inclining his palm beside my head, his earnest gaze bore into mine as he whispered breathlessly. 'Sebastian, don't scare me. What do you intend to do?" Losing my breaths too, I was worried about his condition and he gave a ridiculous idea to make us equal. 'I want to repay each emotional scar I had given you with a physical one." 'What?" For my assurance, I asked again, praying I heard him wrong. 'Yes. I had been counting how many times I had made you suffer. Give me thirteen scars." He growled, face dangerously closer to the point our breaths mixed up followed by an intense link of our eyes. I released continuous sighs of tension at his absurd demand. 'Scarred my body like how I have scarred your soul, Eileen." My eyes widened, covering my mouth with my hand in dread. The direness showed he was going to make me do it. He was prepared to break any boundary to bring us to equality. 'Don't be ridiculous, Sebastian. I-I can't hurt you." Stammering, I was against this idea of his but he refused to listen. 'You have to, you have to punish me for my deed in order to give us a new start. A new start with the new year." He continued, lifting my chin, curling his lips upwards in a painful smile. 'Sebastian, why-" 'Because I lied." My heart skipped a beat, voice struck because he remembered he confessed his feelings, he remembered he cried for me. Moving his fingers upwards, he caressed my cheek tenderly, parting out of dismal. He couldn't cope with the regret brimming in his hollow chest. 'I remember clearly what I did but I was afraid to confront you, I didn't have any justification for my actions so I pretended I didn't remember." He told me, shame coated in his words but I was disheartened that he tried to hide his fault. 'Why did you lie?" I asked but he gave me the answer which intoxicated me to the point, I lost it. 'I couldn't bear this disappointment in your eyes. Let this whole world be angry with me but not you." Me over the world… Losing his breaths, his other hand held my hand, resting his forehead against mine to indulge in our proximity, etching this to our core. 'I need you, Eileen," He whispered, our fingers, shutting his eyes, miserable to the point, his voice couldn't release a sentence without sounding hoarse. 'I want to return all the emotional scars by receiving physical ones. That is what could make us equal. I want to forget, I want your forgiveness. And give us a new start." He was extremely sincere, opening his eyes slowly to stare back intently into mine to reside in his world where I live. He wanted to build his dreams in my domain. 'What difference could it make?" I asked back vaguely, lifting my head, pressing my palm over his chest. I couldn't bring myself to hurt him. 'Silence my screams. Return the pain I gave you ever since I entered your life. Give me a new life" He gave me the reason. He wanted to abandon his abysmal home and make his new shelter. He wanted to make his home and I lost before my deepest desire. Sinking to the compel he created, I agreed to demolish his old home to build the foundations of a new one. 'Okay, I will do it. For you."