68.2- His Voice

'I just wanted to hear him, his voice." Pulling away abruptly, I gasped for air, slamming my hand down. Her eyes widened in appall, she was clearly, obviously repulsed at the response and impotent to bear the repugnance in her eyes, I continued with the croaked resonance. 'Am I crazy, Eileen? T-There is something wrong with me. They say I have bloodlust, I think I do. I-I just wanted to hear their voices." The grip on my composer shattered and the realization I might not be mentally stable sank in horrifyingly. I knew something was wrong but I never paid attention to it- I never wanted to. 'And why do you want to hear them?" She asked, holding my shoulder, rubbing my hands, doing anything to her to calm me down but my head began to throb badly. An unbearable sting rushed in my veins. Holding my temples, I lowered my head, shutting my eyes, powerless to subdue it. 'Why do you make them scream, Sebastian? Did being at asylum do you no good?" She asked again, hugging me, hands around my neck, worried about my condition. 'Who told you about it?" I asked in a groan, trying to stop that pain, opening my eyes again and looking back into her teary ones, panicking to witness this side. I shouldn't have met her. I shouldn't have married her. I shouldn't have held her hand in the first place. 'Ruben told me that you went to the asylum for a year. Didn't that work? What happened?" Her low, mellow utterance made me cease my panic and stare back into her eyes which were truly there for me where no one else was. 'I… don't want to talk about it." With a gruff, I lowered my gaze. Exhausted from the consuming malevolence residing in my soul, I rested my head on her chest. Considering her proximity as my sanctuary, I gulped because at the moment, I wanted to speak more but was not sure from where to start. 'It's alright, you can tell me whenever you feel comfortable. Hmm?" Humming, her arms lovingly accepted me and I couldn't take it anymore, I released whatever word which came to my tongue first. 'They…" I held her shoulder, pulling away and incapable of bearing this crushing weight, I broke into a sob, 'Hurt me so badly!" I ended up crying. I couldn't control myself, I had always wanted to share my horrendous experience at the asylum but there was no one to listen and when she asked, I couldn't control myself anymore. 'It was nightmarish! I was so alone! They were screaming constantly!" Tears uncontrollably rolled down my cheek, I pressed my forehead on her shoulder, noticing how she gasped at my sudden breakdown, quivering before my misery. 'They were so cruel to me. They hurt me so badly, they made me scream so many times…" Holding her arms desperately, I shared the anguish I kept carrying and it became my scar. 'No one will hurt you anymore, I am here, my love. Don't cry. No one will make you scream." Her broken tone came, shedding silent tears, trying to stop me. But, this was my opportunity to liberate the haunting thoughts. 'I never wanted to go there! I am not crazy! I am not crazy!" Sobbing, I unintentionally dug my nail on her arms accompanied by tears soaking her shoulder. Leaving her stunned but I released the weight which constricted my soul to the point I was incapable of sharing my own feelings. 'Don't take me there again. I didn't want to go there, I will do anything, I will behave, I will be good but just don't take me there again. I am not crazy…" Gasping for air, my cried muffled in her embrace. Terrified by the thought of going there again as I clung onto her arms as my last support to shelter me from where I ran away. 'No one is taking you there, you shall remain here, right here. Next to me. It has passed, it's okay. " 'No, It's not okay!" Yelling, I couldn't stop myself from sobbing. Her soothing actions, the way she whispered sweet nothings into my ears, nothing was effective before my misery. 'The only thing I got by being there was more torture and misery, they increased everything." Growling, I stared back as she wiped my tears but they refused to stop and she was heartbroken to find her unbreakable man at his limit. 'They worsened my condition. They increased my fears. No one came to help me, Eileen, I was alone, they didn't even visit me-" Before I could continue my list of complaints, she placed her hand over my mouth, shaking her head in denial, indicating to me to stop. 'They cannot hurt you, you don't have to go there again, you are not alone anymore, you don't have to stand alone anymore." Whispering, she kissed my forehead, removing her hand and wiping my tears. Sniffling, I opened my blurry eyes to gain my serenity by her one glimpse. 'Eileen…" Taking her hand in mine, I kissed them, not removing my eyes from my redemption. Giving me a reason to shed a tear, to become human. I placed all my bets on her to give me the life I only imagined. 'Hmm?" She forced a trembling smile, pushing the hairs covering my forehead behind, giving my hand an assuring squeeze. 'Will you listen to my voice?" I asked, placing her hand under my cheek. When the lock on my tongue had opened, I wanted to release everything and empty the bag of unspoken words I had been carrying for years. 'I would happily listen to your silence, why not words?" She chuckled huskily, clicking her head against mine. 'What do you want to tell me?" She asked, kissing my cheek, giving me paradise in my domain. 'Everything." She gave me a serious look and nodded, ready to listen to my voice. Exhaling, I took a deep breath, gathering all my thoughts and starting in a chronological order. 'It all started when I deeply admired Valencia Alroy."