78.2- Refused To Cry

My voice broke, apologizing for failing to protect Ruben. Shutting my eyes more, I didn't let a single tear roll down my cheek. I had always hated her tears. Especially the reason for her tears. ‘Maybe that was why I hated myself too because I was always the reason for her tears.' And upon seeing them, I swore I would make the person pay hell for stealing him away from us. I slowly pulled away, helped her to sit down and wiped her tears. 'Please drink some water, Mrs Stellios." Eileen said, disheartened to witness such a mournful moment. Sniffing, her eyes fell upon my arm which began to bleed again. "Oh my God, you are hurt too. It's bleeding. Who is it? Who wants to hurt my family?" Panicking, she cupped my cheeks as I bent on the ground, looking up at her worried eyes, hands trembling to hold my bleeding arm. Lowering her head, she rested it over my shoulder, holding me hopelessly and continued to cry, "My baby…" Closing my eyes, my agony was turning into fury. It was gut-wrenching to hear those cries. I wanted them to stop. "Sebastian… look na. What happened to him? Why did they take away my child?!" Crying, she pulled my shirt, tears smeared over her face. It was excruciating, I grew up alongside those tears, all I had ever desired was them to stop. Taking her hand, I kissed them and put them over my forehead. Inhaling deeply, I enunciated seriously. I was willing to give the worst outcome to the person who tried to rupture my home. "Don't worry, Mother. Whoever it is, I will ensure he suffers the worst outcome." *** Standing next to Eileen, we were staring at Ruben's grave with a crushing heart. My hands were cold, my throat was dried but I forced a stoic expression on my face. Eileen was becoming worried about me at this point because I haven't cried yet or emptied my heart. But I won't do it, I will let it hurt until I find his murderer. "Contemplate, Eileen. Study this sight closely." I breathed out, folding my arms at my chest, not removing my eyes from the grave with my heart being torn. "This is the harsh reality of the underworld. You never know who you will lose in the next moment." Forcing my eyes to part, I turned to Eileen who was standing next to me all this time. Mother fell ill, she was at home and in this graveyard, I stood with a few other people. "If you are scared and want to back off, I won't stop you today." I whispered painfully. Sighing, she rested her head over my arm, intertwining our fingers together. "Life is the same, you never know when you will die, Sebastian. I could never leave you especially in these mournful times. I am here, with you. You are not alone." Kissing my hand, she assured me when I needed it the most. "I can't tell or express how heartbroken I am right now. I feel my soul burning." I said in a cold voice. "Why not shed a tear then? It will help you." She suggested softly. "I won't." Declaring, I turned back to his grave- "Not until I find that motherfucker and give him the worst suffering." Soon Asad came, even he cried about losing his best friend. It was heartbreaking for him to lose the person he grew up with. "We were talking when this happened. He was delighted." He began to speak in a devoid but sorrowful tone. 'He wanted to stay here, participate in work and then I heard a gunshot. It all happened so fast. He told me to get back up." Curling his hands in a fist, he turned his head away. I glanced at him and was about to give his back a pat but I shouldn't. And stopping me, Zaviyaar came and gave his brother a side hug. 'This too shall pass, Asad." Whispering, he held him and I remembered Ruben telling he felt jealous when he saw those brothers. I never hugged him. Regret pierced through my chest. All my Brother needed was love from me which I never gave him. "Sebastian. Inna lillahi wa inna ilayhi raji'un." Zaviyaar said seriously, holding his Brother, helping him to cry in his embrace, helping him. No matter how undesirable and a maniac Zaviyaar is, he was always there for his brother. "Never thought I would hear it so soon or from you." I chuckled dryly. "Nor did I. My little Brother's closest friend has passed away. How can I not come? They grew up before me." He sighed, pulling away from Asad and wiping his tears. "What was that verse?" Eileen asked. "It was in Arabic, Eileen. The phrase is commonly recited by Muslims when someone passes away." I told her calmly. "I see. And you said younger brother then…" She paused, turning to Zaviyaar, realizing she was meeting another ace of the underworld. "Yes. I am Zaviyaar Sheikh. Fortunate to greet the woman who changed his life." He whispered, glancing at me to lift up the mood a little as I chuckled dryly. Eileen instinctively moved back and gripped my arm, afraid to see one of the top criminals before her. Sighing, I turned to him and corrected his words. "Eileen not only changed my life, Zaivyaar. She became my life." "Never imagined I would hear it from you. Anyways, May the Almighty give you the strength to overcome this painful phase in life." Giving me his condolences, he gave my shoulder a pat and walked away, leaving me with my miserable thoughts. After emptying our mind and gaining the courage to move forward, I was with Asad, personally handling this matter. "So Ruben told you to call backup. This person is skilled. He smoothly entered his apartment." I asked, gritting my teeth in ire. Just watch, I will find you. He nodded, "If someone could pull it off smoothly it must be someone close. Someone he trusted deeply." "Hmm. You are right." Asad pondered about it deeply and told me seriously, "I think I know who it could be, Sebastian."