22- Mistake

'I shouldn't have done it. I truly shouldn't have." ****** Locked in the room, I was looking out of the window, deep in pondering. Countless questions were roaming wild in my mind and I was unsure how to tackle them. But, choosing silence, I remained silent, staring at the bright sky itching my eyes yet I loved to stare into the vibrant garden. But, before this beauty could submerge me in itself, the door opened. Closing my eyes, the faint smile on my lips faded at a certain man's presence. 'Get up, we are leaving." His stone-cold resonance came, snapping his finger to drag me out from my thoughts to provide him my attention. 'Where?" I asked, glancing over my shoulder. 'Bordeaux. I want to show you Miroir d'eau, you will love it." He said, slightly excited about it but I was unsure. His excitement scares me because what excites him is my fright. 'How do you know I will love it?" I asked, averting my gaze but he gave my shoulder a rough pat which made me stumble forward. ‘Damn, this man has a strength of steel.' I thought when his one playful push shook my whole body, 'Because I know what you love. Now, come." He called. Alarmed in his presence, I didn't know how to react and went along. Maintaining my distance fairly, I kept hugging my sides, going along. We were on the train, I was looking out, not wanting to talk. His presence had sealed my voice but he loved ruining my peace and called. 'Eileen…" He called, resting his elbow on the table in between, staring intently at me with his chin on his palm. 'Hmm." Humming, I timidly looked at him. Is it just me or is he acting differently here? Is this a part of his reward system? 'Which is stronger? Betrayal or love?" He asked, taking me by utter surprise by his question. Normally people make comparisons between love and hate but his perspective is different. 'Why are you asking this?" I asked worriedly, holding my dress, looking down at my laps. Unwillingly recalling the time when he betrayed my heart. 'Alphonse's childhood love betrayed him and he wanted to punish her but clearly he was lying to save her from me. He wants to punish her for her betrayal too yet he is trying to save her too." But he wasn't talking about my heart but Alphonse's. Does my betrayal matter? Do my feelings hold any worth in his heartlessness? Curiosity gleamed in his heart, arching a brow. He genuinely wants to know. Is he trying to learn emotions? 'What emotion is that?" He asked direly, features becoming stoic, curling his lips downwards. Seemingly it was infuriating him. Swallowing the lump in my throat, I didn't know how to respond properly. Inhaling deeply, I forced my eyes to connect with his, gathering my courage to respond, 'Those who are unaware of emotions would never understand, Sebastian. You can never truly hate the person you love-" Before I could ask, he asked with more hardened features, 'Do you love me?" My heart skipped a beat, my eyes widened for a second. My body became numb, allowing it to sink into my heart. Immobilized for a second. He noticed my tension but I turned my head away, I added quickly. '-Unless something provokes. Conditions apply. Takes a lot of courage to break one's heart." I whispered hurriedly, trying to discard his perplexity and amusement. 'Did you tremble to break mine?" I asked, biting my bottom, asking the question whose answer my fragile mind was not able to bear. 'It did not." He responded, leaning back on his seat, folding his arm to contemplate the aching reaction creeping upon my face. 'Did it hurt you?" He asked, curling his lips upwards from one side, pinching my nerves. 'It did." I whispered in a cracked voice, digging my nail in my laps, furious at myself to realize that after all this, It still hurts. 'What initiated this hurt? My betrayal, your heartbreak or my words?" He asked as if he was trying to understand something. Elbow resting against the armest, eyes locked perfectly to my grieved face. With a tear rolling down, I stared back into his arresting gaze, 'Everything. You have hurt me in a way I have never been before. There is not a single physical scar on my body-" His eyes narrowed at my statement but gritting my teeth, desperation escaped my lips as I told him the anguish he managed to induce in me. 'Discard the fact you shot near my foot and the bullet grazed my skin- But, nothing, Sebastian, nothing hurt me the way you showed me my worth in your eyes." Whispering, my voice couldn't speak further, tearing while telling the mysterious man who listened with all his attention with an unreadable expression. My lips quivered as I enunciated the core of my heartache, 'It shatters me when I realize that you felt none of the emotions I did." He processed my words cautiously, glistening with the heartlessness beyond my ability to bear. When he grasped my words, a sigh escaped his lips clenching my chest when my burst of emotions had no effect on him. 'Great thing that I didn't feel the same either. Such emotions only devastate you." He scoffed, leaning back, resting his one leg over the other, making a sour face, repulsed at my statements, staggering me. 'At least I wouldn't be suffering like you then, I was right then if I had decided to not love you. Look at yourself, miserable, pathetic." He ridiculed, scrutinizing my flabbergast but it felt like my words were not reaching him. 'Is this the life you desire? Ravaged over a man? Over emotions? I am at least happy-" He was about to augment my agony by ruthless words but then I remembered my words are not reaching him. 'What do you hear, Sebastian?" I asked, cutting him off, leaning forwards when the tears evaporated, replaced by an unforeseen sternness. 'What?" He blinked, tilting his head slightly in confusion. 'You told me you hear screams echoing constantly in your ears, right?" I asked softly, mutely. 'I did." He nodded, unable to apprehend where I am leading this conversation. ‘Why don't I hit a sensitive point too?'