29- One. Last. Time.

'There it came, Asad. The origin, the point where it all began…" ****** In the middle of the night, in this dimly lit room, I was holding Sebastian's hand, panting heavily after we finished with sweat glistening on our body. Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against mine, taking hurried breaths to regain his posture as our fingers were intertwined beside my head. My body was physically not in any pain, I had my fair share of pleasure, I thought he would deny me at the edge or drive me crazy by lust. Thankfully none of it happened. His parents gave examples like torturing, killing but all he did was to be a gentle dom during intimacy. Why…? Why? Why?! He scared me with the dagger, then his belt, then with words, by yelling… always… frightening. Does he like scaring me this much? I was emotionally exhausted, if he feels nothing then hurting me shouldn't be difficult then why does he only scare and not act? He was draining me emotionally. Is that what he intended to do? Shatter me emotionally first? It was hurting constantly and if I remained silent any longer, I would turn insane. "Sebastian…" I called him after regaining my breath, tightening my grip on his hand. "Hmm?" He looked up at me with those clouds I am unable to encrypt. Observing my petite form before pulling away a little. "Are you doing okay?" He asked, groaning, pulling away and getting out. Nodding, I lowered my gaze. I didn't move, he always washed my body himself after our sessions. We cleaned ourselves, I was wearing his shirt reaching my thighs with my underwear. He was in his nightwear. He was changing the sheets while I was lost in my thoughts. Is there something wrong? After being a man of stone I don't expect much from him but… is it because he doesn't want to take things towards ravish that's why he doesn't go rough but then again why wouldn't he? Sighing, I glanced at his back and out of nowhere his image of smiling and laughing with me on our early days of marriage flashed before my eyes, rupturing my last string of patience. Was he ever like this? My heart ached, my breaths constructed between my throat. I felt defeated by his cruelty when I compared it to the deceptive smile, to the broken promise he made to my father. Abruptly tears brimmed in my eyes, staring at him in disbelief. Disappointment in the man before me. He is not the man I married… My heart stung, I constantly expressed my grief but he only ridiculed my emotions. I told him how badly he hurt me many times but he never cared. Yet, now too, for one last time, I wanted to see the smile I fell for… "Done. Come." He called coldly. Looking down, I got up and sat on the bed with my head hanging low, emitting grief. "Sebastian…" He was right in front of me, sniffling, I looked at him but he only arched his eyebrows in bewilderment to see tears gleaming in my eyes. "What happened?" Pain emanating from me. My heart skipped a beat as I whispered, pouring all my emotions in my words. For the final time to tell him. One. Last. Time. "I love you, Sebastian…" He blinked. To say he was confused would be understatement. He thought my tongue slipped. "You mean loved?" He asked, sitting down as well, correcting my sentence but lifting my head to collide my eyes with his, for the last time, I expressed myself. "I have always loved you. You might have been an unfaithful one but I gave all my emotions to our bond." I whispered, linking my misery gained from his infidelity but what did I do wrong? That I loved and married a wrong man? "I married you because I love you, I stayed because I love you, I constantly seek mercy in your eyes because I love you…" Tears collected near my eyelids while I took him deeper into that abyss by my words. "But sadly, you never felt obliged to pay heed to my emotions, to my love let alone to feel the same." Sniffling, my voice broke, tears pricking in the corner. Staggering him at my unforeseen confession. But this is my last time, I won't share my emotional talk with him ever again. Turning to him slowly, my liquidy gaze refused to part, waiting for his response hopelessly. Puerile of me to still look of compassion yet I did. Did it truly don't matter? Is my love meaningless? After listening to my ache, he gave the clear cut reply, "You shouldn't." He whispered, emitting an unforeseen compassion at my confession but deep down he knew this too. 'You truly shouldn't, Eileen. I neither deserve nor worth it." He whispered again, knees bent while he was staring keenly into my dolor. "I know this too. I am well aware of it but it is not easy to murder your feelings, to neglect." I whispered back desperately. "Whatever we had might not mean anything to you but it was my everything, Sebastian." I murmured, expressing my unspoken emotions, sitting in the same position, narrowing my eyes when my emotions were overwhelmed by grief. "But, what was my fault? That I fell for the man I was supposed to marry? That I gave my heart to you? Why did you break my heart when you can have countless other preys too? Why do I have to be one of them!?" My voice broke, making a fist and slamming my hand down to his lap, closing our distance when after failed endeavors a tear rolled down my cheek. With another, I refused to stop. I know he doesn't possess a heart but let me release my pain, "Why am I your prey too?! You can literally anyone, you are the biggest criminal yet… "Yet how could you choose your own lover to break?!" I yelled, allowing my agony to let loose.