35- Prey or Exception?

'Sebastian told me to tell you his favorite part. That whole day, from the party to the rain to our stay. He loved it. It's his favorite part." We went to our room after having dinner, finally. A rush of satisfaction rushed in me when my stomach was filled. We gave our- Sebastian's clothes to them to dry them. I was basically in a petticoat so mine doesn't count not to mention the glare Sebastian gave to every man who dared to see me. I was wearing a white shirt the owner provided while Sebastian was only in trousers with a towel on his neck. I tried not to look at his face, my cheek heated when I recalled how I was staring at him in the rain, my body trembled, trying not to think about it. Sebastian saw me shaking while staring at the fire, not knowing I was thinking about him how and why. I don't want to, I have no intentions of accepting a toxic bond based upon deception. To embrace a man who is not ready to accept me. I can't do this. Then why do I want my voice to reach him? Why am I thinking about him? While I was lost in my thoughts, he grabbed a blanket and put it around me, 'Wrap it around you, you are shivering," He said impassively, securing to place me perfectly in the comfortable blanket. He was about to pull back but I held his hand weakly, making an innocent face, 'Sit with me." He looked up at me with confusion but didn't question. I shifted, opening the blanket, making some space for him to sit as well. He was hesitant but sat eventually next to me as I put my blanket over him too. 'You were soaked, cover yourself or you will get sick." I said worriedly, wrapping it around him while he looked at me with a strange look which I pretended I didn't notice. We both were sharing the same blanket, sitting close to each other while staring at the fire, I was hugging my knees closer to my chest. He leaned back, hand moving and resting over my shoulder and for the first time after a painfully long period, I didn't shiver or feel unsettled by his touch. He noticed it too, he knew what his touch did to me and when I didn't react after a long time, it made him look at me. "Sebastian…" I called but he didn't listen. Narrowing his eyes in perplexity, not accepting that I have accepted his touch- momentarily- yet he didn't open his mouth to ask. I knew he wouldn't ask, I knew he wouldn't tell. 'Did… you feel jealous when that man… grabbed my hand?" I asked hesitantly, wanting to know what it made him feel and to end this crushing silence. He sighed, discarding his thoughts. 'I might be jealous if the feelings were mutual but it made me burn when he touched my prey." He growled, turning my face to his, showing the fiery fire for that man blazing in his silver eyes. 'Prey…" I whispered, lowering my gaze, resenting that no matter what, he always regarded me as a prey and not his wife. 'Don't assume you are further than that." He muttered, rolling his eyes off. 'Even if you can hear me?" I asked expectantly, curling my lips upwards but not in a smile, looking up at him with a hint of hope which he crushed immediately. 'I said, when you can hear me. Don't consider yourself special if I listened to you once or twice." He scoffed, trying to uphold his merciless facade, not showing if he cares or not. My barely visible smile faded as I rested my chin on my knees, digging my nails in my skin as my lips began to tremble, disheartened with his statement. How beautifully he twisted his cold words to pinpoint the exact location where it hurts the most. 'You listened to my voice, your voice broke before me, you never hit me, never ravished or tortured me- am I still in the position of a prey?" I asked, disappointment laced in my voice but I could understand, he doesn't want me to shake his abyss either. He was locked in his darkness for a long time and if I tried to enter it or made a single change- it would release a disastrous impact. He probably couldn't bear it in fact. 'Of course, you still satisfy me in other ways. Your fear is enough to tranquilize me. If I need to raise my hand to evoke my dread, I will." He said without thinking twice in a heartless tone. 'Meaning you are ready to hit me?" I asked immediately, staring into his eyes, dolorous to know that he was ready to seek a new way to shatter me. His eyes widened for a second when the realization of his sentence sank in and the walls of assertiveness faded as he stared back into my eyes, whispering back, 'No…" 'You said-" I was about to speak but he held my chin with his other hand, gaze softening. 'I lied. You are too precious to be hurt, Eileen." He said breathlessly, redeeming the reaction he evoked by his thoughtless statement. 'Why? I am just a prey after all, so what's this hesitation?" I asked sadly, narrowing my eyes, holding the hem of my shirt, keeping the connection unharmed. 'I am just a prey then why can't you hit me too?" My resonance lost its ability to go further than a mere whisper, dying to hear it from the lips- to tell me it's what I think it is. 'Because, you are the first woman of my life." He sighed, averting his gaze but his reply cracked my heart. Just because I entered his life first? "That's it…? Disappointment shone in my eyes as I held my shirt firmly. He noticed the woe I gained and exhaled again. "All because I entered your life first? So I am truly nothing? Only because I came first, you are showing bare leniency?" I asked, heartbroken, unable to comprehend how he managed to elicit ache in a new way each time. "Eileen, I didn't mean it like this." Sebastian sighed, bringing his hand closer to touch me but I moved his hand away. "No, Sebastian, you are right. What is the worth of this mere prey you might think twice before hurting physically too? Who am I after all?" I asked in a croaked voice was a tear pricked in the corner, removing his hand on my shoulder, pushing the blanket to get away from him. "Eileen, Don't take my words wrongly." Sebastian whispered tenderly but I wasn't ready to listen at the moment. "Leave it, I am exhausted. I want to sleep." I said hurriedly, putting my hand in the middle to stop. Unable to extend this conversation further to hear anything which could shatter my heart. I stood up to leave, powerless to look into his eyes again and realize my worth. That I was nothing but a prey.