55- Breaking Her Heart

~ Sebastian ~ I was angry at myself, hating myself in fact for the display of weakness from my side. Being the one who held power strong enough to reign over fears- I felt powerless now. All because of Eileen. What she was doing to me was weakening me and by all means, I couldn't allow it. I was in the room, sleep deprived, staring at the ceiling while I had switched off my phone, ignoring all her calls, lost in unwanted thoughts. Her voice was intoxicating me, I didn't want that. Her voice was tempting me, I didn't want that. Her voice was manipulating me, I didn't want that. I want nothing from her voice. Exhaling my frustration, I grabbed my phone, turned it on again, finding many text and voice notes from Eileen. With a frown, I opened the recent one, ignoring all others. 'Hey, Have you reached yet? Are you tired?..." I am. Of you. 'You said you will wait for my call- did you?..." Unfortunately, I did. 'Call me back when you have time." I won't. 'Also, Asad dropped me at my home, don't be angry about it please. Sorry… Take care." A frown came to my lips when I heard it, scowling under my breath to know she engaged with him when I specifically ordered her not to. "Damn, that woman." Distressed, enraged, I called Eileen finally. She picked my call immediately but she was clearly not happy at my lack of attention towards her. 'Hello? Are you still awake? Isn't it like twelve am?" She asked vaguely, tone saddened. 'Why do you always do what I forbid you to?" I asked coldly, not parting my exhausted eyes from the ceiling. 'Among all my messages, that two second talk mattered the most? Nothing else?" Her tone laced in sadness came but I didn't know how to tell her that I want distance from her- But, my heart didn't want them either. 'Don't play with me, Eileen, we both know you brought Asad in this to get my attention." I replied in a low but infuriated voice. 'Obviously I would when you wouldn't give me. You said you will wait for my call, did you?" She sighed, sorrow and disappointment was clear in her resonance. 'I was busy." I reasoned, muttering under my breath. 'One text. Heck, one voice note, Sebastian. Why do you do this?" She snapped for a second but sighed in the end. I didn't intend to but I needed time to flash time on myself. On what I had become because of her. 'Do what? I told you I was busy." I snapped too and stopped with a sigh like her in the end, knowing it might hurt her and it did. 'Wherever you go away, you just go away from me too." She whispered, making my heart skip a beat. I didn't intend to bring them. But, I know these distances are my fault. 'Am I disturbing you?" Eileen asked sorrowfully, making my heart clench because I didn't want to make her feel this way. Exhaling, I began to tell her what I had been feeling by being in her vicinity, 'Eileen, I don't like what you make me feel, what you unintentionally make me do. I don't like hearing your voices." 'Why are you breaking my heart by saying all these things, especially over the phone too?" Her voice broke, increasing the clasp of my chest. The glimmer of ache hanging in her voice made me her culprit. I am sorry. Closing my eyes, I put my hand over my heart which was throbbing uncontrollably, continuing the weight she had induced in me. 'And the worst part is that you have developed into a habit, much more than my deepest desire. Heck you are not my deepest desire anymore. You have become my need, Eileen." Growling, I shut my eyes more, my hands were shaking a little, unable to open my eyes and see myself in the mirror, to witness this pathetic side of mine. 'Sebastian, please, Stop. We can talk about it when you come back." She murmured softly, hoping she could stop me. But gathering all my courage, I began to chant about what torture I had been going through, not keeping my words in my heart to ensure my suffering reached her core. 'I hate what you do to me, Eileen." 'Sebastian, Please." 'I hate what you do to me, Eileen." 'Stop, please." 'I hate what you do to me, Eileen." 'Please…" 'I hate what you-" 'Sebastian!" She shattered, yelling at me to stop piercing her heart in the same demeanor she pierced mine. 'Please don't break my heart by saying it repeatedly!" She cried, trying to muffle her cries by covering her mouth. My jaw clenched when I heard her miserable resonance. Opening my eyes slowly again, I stared at the ceiling with an unbearable sting traveling to core my soul. I felt wrathful, dejected, and exhausted. 'That is exactly how I feel when you confess your love for me," I confessed, biting my shaky bottom lip to make sure the composure of my voice won't break. I concealed my anguish, focusing on hers. 'When you try to close distances, when you are near me, when you hold me, when I hear your voice." Continuing, I noticed her trying not to release another sob but I continued, giving her more scars than I already did. 'Do I hurt you that much only by existing near you?" She asked weakly, barely whispering, sniffling to not cry anymore. 'You do." I replied coldly, resenting this coldness of mine to the extreme, for razing her fragile emotions. I was impotent to tell her- I was afraid of loving her. 'Why are you saying this now? What happened to you? You were alright when you left. You said you would wait for my call. Is that why you called me? To break my heart?" She asked desperately, wanting to know what blinded me to the point I ravaged her heart. Growling, I lost my breaths, husky, tone becoming deeper, 'I hate what I have become because of you. You ripped my identity. I don't know who I am anymore, Eileen." 'After coming here, I realized I was never like this before. I would have caused a wreck here, caused bloodshed, ruined the peace and taken the throne of the underworld forcefully. And if I ended up losing my life, I would have loved it but I didn't and you know why?" I snarled, sitting up, pushing my hairs back, releasing the grip I chained to forge the perfect devilish facade. I watched it slip away but I didn't stop it. 'Why…?" She asked, frightened. Becoming stoic again, I told her what I refrain all for her sake, 'Because you didn't want me to die." I grit my teeth, clutching the sheets firmly when the sound of her sob reached me. She couldn't bear the voices I buried in my chest. But then again, when I heard everything then why wouldn't she too? 'Do you think your crying would solve my affliction?" I hissed, hating her cries, breaking my heart. I couldn't bear hearing it. It was cracking my heart. 'Could it bring me back the dominance I owned?! The power I held!?" I yelled over the phone, infuriated for losing the power I once held over a pathetic woman. "Are you happy now?! Is this what you wanted to do right?!" I continued to blame her for my own consolation but it was not working. I was only augmenting our ache at my mindless statement. 'I am sorry, I am so sorry… I didn't mean to.. I just…" She continued, melting my heart instantly at her cries as I failed to shelter the exception I promised to her again. Inhaling, I calmed down a little, curling my hands in a fist. Powerless before the feelings, I closed my eyes, lowering my head as I broke. 'What have you done to me, Eileen…?" My shaky, hoarse resonance came, filled with the anguish I gained by walking on her path. At her sobs, my heart became angry with me all because I evoked that unwanted sound. 'I just wanted to become special to you." She whispered, pouring her in-depth desire in her words. A simple request which I could have fulfilled but I failed each time I tried to. 'I just wanted to be important to you." Whispering again, she tried to halt those cries I induced, making her a victim of my agony again. But, I couldn't bear it anymore and out of fury, I cut her call, throwing my phone away as her sobs were breaking my heart too. 'Dammit!" I cursed loudly, pulling my hair in distress, losing my breaths to grasp what was happening to me. I was becoming someone I never fathomed I would. She had intoxicated me in a way I could never recover. And amid this destructive loop of unwanted realization, I couldn't tell Eileen- ‘You are more important than my own breaths.'