67.2- Little Brother

Continuing, he pointed his finger at me in contempt. I knew he had never used good words for me ever but I never fathomed it would be this resentful. 'What scars is he talking about, Sebastian?" Mother asked but I remained silent. My breaths became heavy, losing my composure at this point. 'Never let me near you even once. You are the worst brother anyone could have!" And after hearing it, my patience broke, I couldn't handle further of his mindless talks, stinging me constantly. 'Yes, I am! So what!?" Yelling back, I took a step closer, earning a gasp from everyone but I had a limit which he had shattered today. 'Since when have you involved me in your happiness? And now you want to place your responsibility on me?! I was never a part of your happiness so why bother to ask for my help? Go to Dave or Jacob for it also. At least they know you better than your own brother." He scoffed, folding his arms and I was staggered at the amount of detest he had sheltered in his heart for me. So many complaints… 'You are blood, dammit, can't your tiny mind cannot apprehend that?" I sighed, turning my head away for a second and taking it too far, Ruben crossed the line. 'Cut this crap. You don't do this to your blood!" My breath hitched when he pointed a finger at his scarred eye, recalling the nightmare I tend to keep behind. My eyes widened, my body froze. 'You don't make your blood scream!" My throat dried, I wanted him to stop. He was hitting where it hurts the most and I couldn't discard it anymore. 'You don't fucking gouge their eye out!" Shutting my eyes, I turned my head away, gasping for air to realize how hateful I am for my family. Constricting my breaths and heart rate. 'Boys, stop, please!" Father shouted, worried after seeing us like that. 'No. Let him say." I growled, looking back at my brother whose eye I took with my own hands, traumatized. 'Is that why you hate me so much, huh?" I hissed, glaring at Ruben with tears brimming in my eyes at this point, shaking. 'Yes, because you have always been a monster!" And I absolutely lost it now. 'Yes, I fucking was because that's who I am, Ruben!" I yelled back outrageously, releasing an unwanted tear, losing my breaths, my ability to think. 'I am the worst brother, I deserve all the pain and misery of this world, I am ruthless." Hissing, I continued cursing myself for what I became, taking a step closer. 'I am heartless not but you… you are not, Ruben," Whispering, I rested my hand weakly on his shoulder, allowing him to witness the tears in my eyes. 'Sebastian…" Eileen tried to come but I motioned her to stop and let me settle this for once and for all. 'Okay, I am heartless, I am insensitive, I am mentally unstable, I am not worth anything." My voice came out low, almost broken, giving his shoulder I tight squeeze, releasing a soft gasp to not cry. 'But, you are. You are worth all the darkness I gained. I kept you away because I didn't want you to become a second me. I was afraid…" Confessing what I could never tell, my steps stumbled, pushing the hair falling on my face behind. 'Of what? What were you so afraid of that you ended up pushing me away?" Gasping, he asked furiously. 'I was horrified that if I ever did the same thing to you again, I wouldn't be able to look at myself again. I was fucking afraid to hurt you!" My voice went louder, echoing in the empty hall, staggering everyone but of all people in this world, I never wanted to hurt my younger brother. 'What…?" 'They sent me away after you left, how do you expect me to be there for you when I was not there for myself?!" With a shattered voice, I yelled, sniffling, wiping my eyes to remove the tears but they recollected in my eyes, reflecting what I faced for his sake. 'There was no one to protect me, Ruben, there was no one to love me. Even Mother and Father gave up on me. There was no one to stand by my side and it was all fine with me because you deserved all the love I could never get." Losing my breath, I forced out a smile, trying to tell him how my silence and heartlessness was worth it because at least not from me but our parents had expectations from him. Ruben would save Eileen, Ruben could do that, could do this. He deserved all the praise because is my younger brother. 'I was afraid to look into your eyes because they remind me how much of a monster I am. That ‘I' did this to your eye. To my little brother. Do you know how difficult it is for me to live with that remorse?" Releasing the grip on myself, I told him about the hardest part. The true reason why I distanced myself and rarely met him. I had always been frightened of meeting his eyes. 'I agree, I am horrible, I am not an exemplary big brother but I did everything I could to save you from my darkness, to keep you away from me, I did everything for your sake." He was too stunned to react, eyes widened, tears filling in his eyes, impotent to react properly but swallowing hard, I came near after telling him about my side of emotions. 'And I always will do anything for you, Ruben." Whispering, I lowered my head, giving his shoulder a pat, exhausted after the chaos which took place here. 'Because you will always be a little Brother I failed to protect." Closing my eyes in defeat, I shared the darkest regret of my heart and walked away with heavy steps and a dejected heart.