Chapter 1
'She had a long battle, juliet. It was time for her to rest. I'm sure she is in a better place now" A sad smile appeared on Juliet's face as she looked up at her mom's personal nurse of two years, Gloria. Why did everyone keep saying that to her. Did They want her to feel bad that she was sad, was it wrong for her to be sad? Why couldn't she grief how she wanted? Why did she have to pretend like she was strong when she wasn't. All she wanted to do was cry out loud, but she knew if she did so she would hear those same words again.
'Thank you, Laura." Juliet simply said as she older woman leaned in for a hug and left after saying a few more words. Juliet walked back towards her living room, where a few people still remained after the wake was over. Mrs Willams From her mom's support group had a smile on her face as she gossiped with two other women Juliet could barely recognise. They were probably gossiping about her. Maybe not, but didn't they look so cheerful? This was a wake and not a gossip arena. She sighed, she couldn't possibly ask them to leave, maybe people grieved in their way.
'Juliet" Juliet turned to look at the person who called her and held her arm softly. It was Flo, her next-door neighbour who was supposed to move a few days ago but had to postpone it after hearing of her mother's passing. She was one of the nice ones that Juliet could stand. She was real, and not two-faced like most people in the room. She could feel their curious stares on her and hear the whisper of their gossip. Juliet flashed Flo a slight smile which Flo reciprocated and squeezed her arm softly again.
'How are you holding up? It must have been tough. Planning all this yourself" Flo looked a bit worried, Juliet could see the concern in her eyes, probably the only one who truly cared. Juliet sighed and nodded. It was hard, but she had no choice but to do it. She didn't have friends or a family member who could help her.
'It still feels surreal that my mom is gone," Juliet said in a low voice. Her eyes were on Mrs Williams, who chuckled because of what one of the women said to her. She wanted to slap that smug smile off her face, but she knew she would only cause a scene. They looked so happy while she felt empty on the inside. It seemed Flo was the only one who cared.
'You should get some rest, i will take care of everything here you don't have to worry" Flo assured, and Juliet nodded. She couldn't refuse the offer she just wanted to be alone and away from all the people who were pretending like they cared. She wasn't sure how much longer she could stand watching them.
'Thank you, Flo," Julie gave her a slight hug before walking away slowly to her room. She ignored most of the people who tried to talk to her. She just wanted to lie down and sleep. Maybe this feeling in her heart would finally disappear for a while.
She did just that when she got to her room, but the feeling of disappearing was farfetched. Juliet lay on her bed wide awake, staring at her white ceilings. Emptiness slowly engulfed her as her mind started to process the last few days that had gone by like a flash... Sadness started to slowly creep into her heart...
She was gone. Her mom was gone, and she was never going to see her again. It finally dawned on her, and she closed her eyes as a drop of tears slowly escaped her eyes. She quickly wiped the tears away and took deep, shaky breaths to steady herself and try to regain her composure She couldn't be weak... she had promised her mom not to...
She had to accept reality and move on... That was her mother's words... Everyone was expecting this to happen sooner or later…she was expecting it too… Even her mother expected it... but it finally happened, and now the feeling was indescribable...her heart ached so much...
A sad smile appeared on her face as another tear escaped her eyes… "Her mother's laughter rang in her ears and her mother's beautiful smile. Everyone always told her she had her mother's smile.
Her wonderful voice, her warm hugs. She was never going to feel her warm hugs again. 'Mom…" Juliet muttered in a broken, shaky voice as her heart became heavy with grief. She hugged her pillow and closed her eyes. Memories of her mother kept flooding her mind, but the tears had stopped. The pain she felt in Her heart was so much that it made her numb. She was all on her own now. Her mom, the only person who gave her the strength to carry on with her life was gone. The only person who made her life worth living was gone. It was too sad that that was her reality now.
She got up from her bed slowly and walked to her table where her laptop was open. She still had a deadline to meet for work. She still had to work even after all this. She sat at her table staring at the blank screen of her laptop that showed the reflection of her face. Tomorrow was the funeral. Time had passed so fast. It had just been a few days since she last hugged her mom. But her mom was no longer in the other room and wasn't going to make her dinner and ask her to take a break from work...
A few minutes passed before Juliet finally stood up and walked out of her room and down the hall to where her mom's room was or, rather, was...
Juliet stopped by the door as her hand slowly travelled to thdoorknobob but stopped midair. She took in several deep breaths and turned away. Her mom wasn't in there. She was gone. She didn't dare to go in there.
She found it hard to breathe and immediately walked away from the door and back to her room. The chatter in the living room had died down and everywhere was silent now. Everyone had gone back to their family. She suddenly hated her house and didn't want to be there. It felt too stuffy for her. Juliet turned away from her room door and slowly walked towards the front door of her house. Her eyes were empty and filled with grief. She walked out the front door and just continued to walk and walk, having no idea where she was headed. She just continued to walk. She had no idea how much time had gone by she didn't feel a thing anymore and wished everything would just end... The numbness in her heart made it all worse... she wanted to grieve her mom, but then... she would have to move on... she didn't want to just yet...why her mom...
Her heart felt so empty that it scared her that she would always be this way. Her mind was far off and in another realm till she bumped right into someone, which brought her mind a bit back to the reality of where she was and who she had bumped into...
'Are you okay" She heard someone say to her and like that all her unshed tears burst out, overwhelming her... no one had asked her that... No, she wasn't okay… How could she be...
